


one last time

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Break Up, Unrequited Love, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 05:42:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10530093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: soonyoung likes to hold onto words.





	

**Author's Note:**

> tfw you're supposed to be updating your other stories but you find the inspiration to write something else lol
> 
> based off of this pic i found off of facebook:  
> https://scontent.forf1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/16298472_1231317596915868_3134502409143512773_n.jpg?oh=d427ee278b98dfa047ae248588d3f7cc&oe=599375EB

soonyoung likes to hold onto words. any kind of words, even if they don't count as words.

he holds onto simple conversations people hold with or without him. he holds onto inspirational speeches, advice and quotes. he holds onto promises. he holds onto beautiful lies and brutal truths. he holds onto new vocabulary and their definitions. he holds onto every word, no matter how trivial or heart wrenching, because he likes - no,  _loves_ them.

unfortunately, he was not gifted an eidetic memory like he eventually wanted. the words of the past and the present will eventually be swept from his mind, to be replaced by the future.

so he writes them all down - each and every word.

in his carrier bag, he carries a single notebook. each and every page is filled (or is to be filled), from top to bottom, with a variety of color-coded words.

 _red_ for vocabulary and their definitions.

 _orange_ for inspirational speeches, advice and quotes.

 _yellow_ for two-sided exchanges.

 _green_ for promises.

 _blue_ for the brutal truth.

 _purple_ for the beautiful lies.

everyone who has ever come across the young starry-eyed boy knows of his infatuation with words. although finding it a weird hobby of collection, they have no problem in repeating the things they say just so he could record the words down. in the end, a whole days worth of words equals about 2-4 pages. 

at the end of the day, he returns to his dorm room with a big smile on his face, the kind that resembles a child who received an abundant amount of candy on halloween night. he ignores his roommate, wonwoo, to pull out his unused post-it notes, then his notebook and multi-colored pens. on the post-it notes, he rewrites the words from his notebook before adding the date and who / what said it.

(sometimes, wonwoo joins and helps him, because god forbid him if he allows his senior to stay up all night to write words down. not to mention, as a man of literature, he is also a fan of words, but not as much as soonyoung.)

when he is finished, he picks out his favorite words from within the pile and tapes them onto his wall. his room - from corner to corner, ceiling to floor - is covered in post-its with his favorite words. before he goes to sleep at night, he reads them.

soonyoung concludes before he falls asleep that there is not a word he hates. not even the word _hate_ itself.

 

there is one person in soonyoung's life whose words are the most beautiful to him. how perfect the word of his name was by itself, how his lips move, how he speaks, how he enunciates his words and how he is able to string together beautiful words to compose astounding songs.

lee jihoon.

his ex-boyfriend.

thinking about him still makes him shake and cry. he still has no idea where they went wrong or how jihoon fell out of love for him and turned his gaze to someone else. 

sometimes, he blames it on the words.

perhaps if he was healthy and did not fixate on his words so often, then perhaps he would have realized what he was losing while it was still in his vision.

on the day they broke up, he hated the words that adorned his walls and nearly tore all of them down if wonwoo hadn't caught him.

("he left m- _me_  because of th-the words--" soonyoung sobs, burying his face in the crook of wonwoo's shoulder. he feels guilty for shedding tears on his shirt.

wonwoo coos reassurances to soonyoung while having him close enough that he could run his hand through his hair and rub his back.)

since the beginning, jihoon was one of the people to find his addiction to words odd, but did not complain against it. 

yes, he often got annoyed when he had to repeat what he said just so soonyoung could write it down onto the margins of his notebook but never did he complain. 

but he admired his dedication and passion for his words! that's what he said to him, so why?

the answer was simple.

they simply grew too far apart and jihoon had set his sights on someone else - someone who would cherish and love him instead of someone who was constantly recording what he was saying.

now soonyoung blames it on himself. he blames himself for allowing the words to blind him from what he wanted. 

 

its a sleepless night of writing words. 

he keeps making mistakes - spelling errors, punctuation errors, wrong dates, wrong people, etc.

he write post-it after post-it (with a few crumpling of paper and tossing into the wastebin) until his phone vibrates with a message. tentatively, he reaches forward for the device and checks who the message is from. his heart momentarily stops beating when the name  **jihoonie** flashes on his screen.

hastily, he opens his phone and checks the message. 

 

 **jihoonie**  2:02am

_i know you're awake writing those notes down so i thought it would be better to send this now._

_i'm sorry for breaking up with you although i shouldn't be. i'm sorry for being the reason you've been crying. i'm sorry for being the reason why you've been neglecting your precious words and why you've blamed them. i'm sorry for being the reason you blame yourself. i'm sorry for falling out of love with you._

_don't blame your words. they didn't do anything._

_it's all my fault for being unfaithful and unresponsive to you._

_kwon soonyoung, you deserve every good thing that comes to you. you deserve beautiful words to decorate your messy dorm room. you deserve someone who will appreciate the beautiful words you keep track of everyday. you deserve someone who won't mind repeating themselves a million of times just for you to record them. you deserve someone that will not look away from you when you look away from them. you deserve someone who won't hurt you._

_that someone isn't me ... because i couldn't do any of those things._

_i feel like it'd be best if we cut contact. altogether. i don't want to give you any more hardships. i don't want you to doubt your words anymore._

_i'm sorry._

 

whatever lingering hope soonyoung had shattered. flew away. diminished!

he knows this was bound to happen. he knows he can't persuade jihoon that they can just be friends. once jihoon sets his mind onto something, it's so difficult to shake him away from it.

he doesn't know how long he zones out after reading the string of messages, but he jolts back to reality when his phone vibrates again. 

 

 **jihoonie** 2:12am

_i'm going to block you, okay?_

in a fit of panic, soonyoung texts back in rapid speed.

 **soonyoung** 2:12am

_wait_

_please_

_before you block me_

**jihoonie** 2:13am

_i'm still here. what's up?_

 

soonyoung wheezes. he's shaking so badly, but it doesn't stop him from typing. he spends minutes attempting to type an entire coherent sentence, but he eventually gets it.

 

 

 **soonyoung** 2:16am

_is there any chance you could say it even if you don't mean it_

_just once more_

_for the last time ever_  

 **jihoonie** 2:17am

_isn't that going to hurt you more?_

**soonyoung** 2:19am

_say it back even if you don't mean it_

_no it won't_

**jihoonie** 2:22am

_okay._

**soonyoung** 2:23am

_i promise._

_i love you._

**jihoonie** 2:24am

_i love you too._

_i hope you have fun writing your words._

 

soonyoung likes to hold onto words. any kind of words, even if they don't count as words.

he holds onto simple conversations people hold with or without him. he holds onto inspirational speeches, advice and quotes. he holds onto promises. he holds onto beautiful lies and brutal truths. he holds onto new vocabulary and their definitions. he holds onto every word, no matter how trivial or heart wrenching, because he likes - no,  _loves_ them.

even when he is reduced to tears and a violently quivering body, he loves words.

jihoon's words are beautiful, but they are so deadly.

the starry-eyed boy cries. fat tears roll off of his pale cheeks and they plop onto the screen of his phone or onto his mattress.

but he smiles, strained and forced, all the same.

his body shudders every time he attempts to inhale a breath, which results in mild cases of choking on his saliva or phlegm.

he sets down his phone and reaches for one of his colored pens and a post-it. messily, he scrawls on the post-it, not caring for neatness --

 

_i love you too._

_2:24am. april xx, xxxx.  
lee jihoon._

 

soonyoung smiles a smile that exposes all of his teeth. gently, he tears away the post-it and turns to the nearest wall before straightforwardly slapping the piece of paper on the biggest space available on his wall. he leans back and reads the text repetitively until he nods, satisfied and content.

he always knew purple would suit jihoon's lovely words.

**Author's Note:**

> ah yes  
> short and vagueness my old friend
> 
> personal tumblr: @dinohs


End file.
